The Pink Berry

Farewell

2006-08-31T06:06:00.000-07:00

This will be my last post....

Well my last post for the month or the last post ever, I dont know.
I dont feel like writing about anything, nothing inspires me anymore.

I just wanted to officially say goodbye to all the friends I have made here.

BFT, Dr Pissed, Grey shades, Iammine, sparsh, Harjee, nautilus, anand K, dhaval, anand, ekta, intrepid, Dalda, raghav, that girl in pink, aqua, Redcell, Psyche, Tejus, Marcus, Prasad, RP, quitely amused, mannina maga..........and anyone whose name i dont remember at this moment.

Thank you...

Good Bye and Have a good life!!!

Tagged by namesake!!

2006-08-04T00:39:00.000-07:00

After giving myself a pat on the back, I decided to move on!!
Thanks for all those emails and comments!!
A lot more to be achieved. By the way my namesake tagged me. It seemed like an interesting tag, so here goes.

Warning: It might be a little too bare- soul kinda mushy stuff. Couldnt help it!

I am thinking about: This tag by namesake. How honest can I be, without letting out too much about myself?

I Said: I love you, but I lied. It’s more than love I feel inside!!

I want to: be in Goa right now and get soaked in the rains.

I wish: I was rich enough to buy an island and spend the rest of my life gardening.

I Hear: Voices in my head that I have learned to ignore

I wonder: How much would it cost to get a boob job?

I regret: Letting my loved one die without me being by his side.

I am: a beautiful person, inside out.

I dance: when I feel like letting go of myself.

I sing: to make things interesting for others around me. They have something to laugh at.

I cry: when I know no one cares.

I am not always: up in the morning to go to the gym. Those 2 kgs look good on me.

I make with my hands: My home & some really good biryani!

I write: to please myself! If you don’t like it, move on!!

I confuse: my job to be my life!

I need: money, love and happiness. In fact I need to spend my life the way I want to without caring about others, expenses or even possibility.

Just to prove that i am a nice girl, I will not tag anyone with this. Readers are welcome to publish their version if they like.

10,000 & counting!!!

2006-08-02T05:18:00.000-07:00

My blog is only four months old and I have received over 10,000 hits!!!

Reason enough to celebrate!!! Thank you, to all you loyal visitors.

YIPPEEEEE!!!!!!!

It’s my fucking space!!

2006-07-26T04:02:00.000-07:00

Advertising! Oh the glorious mother-of-invention-of necessity!!

You cannot get through one day of your life without some no-good-brain-fudged ad creeping into your life. The worst part is that you aren’t even aware about it. I am writing this after a hard battle with myself over a half –tune that was playing in my head since morning. “la-ira-ila…..” or something like that!!! That is the fucking Liril ad, you dodo head.

Look at how these things are taking over our space these days. I mean we listen to what we don’t want to hear, we see what we don’t want to read and we watch what we don’t want to see.

Ads on TV --- ok
Ads in Paper --- ok
Ads on roads --- ok
Ads in my house --- yeeachh!!

I kid you not. These ad wallahs are done with all other media and are now intruding in my personal space. I woke up this morning to see a horrible metal board hanging on my gate. It said “Panchganga Chits” or such other nonsense. It was on all the gates on my street. Whats up with that? Its my house, its my gate. Not a dumb vacant hoarding to put up your ad. As a mere consolation it had a line in miniscule font “No Parking In Front Of This Gate”. AND that gives you the right to put this up?? No way.

That got me thinking about how we are intruded every single day. How people use us and our property as a means to advertise their wares. Think about this:

You park your car on a street and the next thing you know is there is a cheap sticker promoting a resort or club that you haven’t even heard of. And when you do hear, it’s in the newspapers for all the wrong reasons.

You call a service provider at Rs.6 + what not freakin taxes, for a service that is supposed to be free & you hear a 10 minute jingle about a better version of the same product that promises not to get screwed up.

You give your car/ bike for servicing to this “authorized” place only to see that it comes back with a big sticker on the rear windshield proclaiming “In case your car breaks down, please call…...” with a huge logo of the dealer. Add a few stickers of spare parts and 24 hr helpline & you have the complete package. Why should it break down in the first place? I just got it serviced!!!

Ok, in reality I like ads. I mean the ads that are entertaining (even if they are subversively trying to sell me crap). But this is taking it way beyond my (frugal) patience. There are however times when I really NEED the ads, like the PVR ad to know which movies are playing, the ad for the latest hotspots in town, ads for the best cellphones etc.

But I really really appreciate these ads where they are supposed to be. Like in my newspaper, on TV and maybe, just maybe in the movie intervals.

But my gate, well that’s off limits!! The board is now neatly cut & painted with the line “No parking in front of this gate”

My Style, My Way, My Gate!!!!

Blasts from the past

2006-07-12T00:45:00.000-07:00

Last night I was supposed to go out with my friends after a hard day’s work. Little did I know that wouldn’t happen. What happened in turn was a night of non-stop television viewing.

7 serial blasts rocked Mumbai.

Ok so I don’t live in Mumbai & I don’t have any friends & relatives there either. But I lived there once upon a time & still have very very fond memories of that place. The bomb blasts did not happen anywhere near me but I still could feel a shiver run through my spine when I first heard it.

When I reached home, I was glued to the TV, gobbling any piece of news about the incident. I was anxious and scared. Like someone I love was in pain and I was helpless here.

The images were heart wrenching. The explosions blew up the entire compartment and in some cases a part of the station as well. Blood was all over the place. It was raining incessantly. All I could see across the channels were people, ordinary people were out in the streets helping the trapped strangers. Neither the police nor the paramedics came anywhere close to the sites for upto 2 hrs. The death toll was fast rising, along with the number of people trying to get in touch with their friends & relatives.

When I was in Mumbai a few weeks back, I used the Western Rail. I remember the evening mad-rush to get home. I remember the faces of the vendors selling bangles, mangoes and other things. I remember the platform bustling with people. I saw the same landscape now filled with bleeding people and pieces of human debris. What a shame on people who cause this kind of misery to humans whose only fault is that they are helpless, clueless and trusting bunch who go about their lives trying to make a living. Why target the local trains?? It’s filled with the working class. They are not terrorists; they are not politicians or decision makers. In fact they are one among us. Why such soft targets? Go try and blow up the corrupt politicians. That will help you as well as this country.

Anyway, as the night progressed I saw things that made me proud. These things deserve a salute. It was a sheer display of human spirit the way the vendors and housewives & all sundry were distributing tea, biscuits, water etc to people who were stuck in the jams and other people who were waiting outside the hospitals. Students allowed complete strangers to spend a night in their dorms till they could face the morning & find a way home. Mumbai’s infamous taxi drivers were offering free rides to people who were trying to get home.

The most annoying thing about the whole incident was the way the media was having a field day, literally. No doubt this was the biggest news of the week/month/year/whatever. I appreciate all the on-ground reporters who relentlessly reported from the blast sites with bleary eyes and no food. On the other hand we had Rajdeep Sardesai who was so full on himself and his CNN-IBN team that he kept saying “ CNN-IBN was the first to report this blast” “People all over the world are watching CNN-IBN through the CNN network” I wish he could have saved it for another day.

The whole media was terming the incident as 7/11, like an attempt to please the foreign media & viewers and get some sympathy votes. Why 7/11? Why forget 26/7, 13/12 etc…

Its commendable that Mumbaikars are back to their normal routines. The politicians however are back to doing their own drama. News has come in that there was an uproar in the Maharashtra Assembly and it was adjourned. They would rather go home and sleep than discuss on how to tackle the situation.

Suddenly, I am not so excited about the Metro Rail in Bangalore………..

The Blue Stink Buckets

2006-07-05T23:57:00.000-07:00

Blame the weather, blame the ennui. I just wasn’t in a mood to write anything. It didn’t help that I genuinely had nothing to write about. Life was just rambling through without any significant thoughts.

Until Sunday morning.

I am a complete morning person. I love the sunrise and the smell of fresh air. Bangalore is at its best in the first few hours of dawn. So last Sunday, I decided to take my old bike out and go for a ride around town soaking up some old memories on the way. I was especially looking forward to the empty MG rd stretch.

I had just reached Kamraj rd, when I encountered the first one. A truck-full of nasty smelling garbage. I held my breath and zipped through. I still couldn’t get the smell out of my nostrils.

What in god’s name are these things doing? They are barely covered with a blue plastic rag, containing the overflowing scum from the neighborhood. Unfortunately, the truck overtook me and decided to ruin my breakfast. The whole road was strewn with various dumps. The joggers just held their breath and stopped running. The bikers either sped away or changed routes (like me).

By the time I reached Jayanagar, I had atleast dodged 10 more trucks.

The damn things are there every morning apparently. I normally wouldn’t crib about such things coz after all the garbage is from our homes too. But what disgusts me is that these trucks don’t even collect all the garbage that’s piled on the street corners. Not only that, they spill half the garbage on the Bangalore roads making them stinky for days to come.

After this incident, I actually observed that these trucks pollute almost all roads and at any time of the day.

First of all, these trucks should not even be plying on the roads. If we claim that our city is so advanced why can’t we have the retractable garbage disposing vans? Why should someone do a minimum wage job of picking up rotting pile of garage and dump it in a truck that is actually a dump hole anyway?

Well these are larger questions and I don’t hope to get an answer anytime soon.

In the meanwhile, I will stick to savoring the ‘essence’ of Bangalore at night. If only there were no call-center vans……ok now that is another post.

tagged

2006-06-27T04:27:00.000-07:00

I am excited and scared. I got tagged for the first time by our very own self confessed geek, Anand. Here goes Andy.......

My Accent: Hinglish with generous sprinkling of german, spanish, mandarin and what I think is french.

Booze: Booze = nice, Booze with friends= very nice, Booze with Mr.cutie= awesome, Booze on a lovely evening all by myself = Pure pleasure

Chore I Hate: Whatever I hate to do, I just fake a headache. And that includes everything.

Dog or Cat: Both, but more partial towards dogs. I hate the fact that I don’t have one in my life right now.

Essential Electronics: My Laptop, Cellphone, Digi cam, Blower, Hometheatre, i-pod, …..I am a gizmo freak.

Perfume: Cool Water- Davidoff. Its so me

Gold or Silver: Silver. I have all kind of junk pieces in silver from all parts of the world.

Home: I am a gypsy women. Cant call anyplace my home. But I love my pad where I live now. Its cosy and helps me unwind plus I have everything I need in there. I would definitely miss it when I have to leave it.

Insomnia: Don’t know what that is……I sleep like a log every night for 9 hrs or more.
Job Title: The official shopper……for myself

Living Arrangements: very well arranged thank you!!! Got 4 limbs, 1 brain and enough booty to make it through life.

Most Admirable Traits: I love someone for who they are. Even if they don’t know who they are.

Number of Sexual Partners: Lost count when I turned 25…..just kidding. I believe in quality instead of quantity. But I had my share. I fact I had most other women’s share as well.

Number of times in hospital: When I was born. That’s it fortunately.

Phobias: Achluophobia, , Gamophobia, Herpetophobia , Obesophobia, Philophobia.

Quote: The biggest sin is not respecting life. The only way you can respect it is by living it.

Religion: Pinkology……its based on 2 principles. One is “ Love Yourself” and second is “ Make your peace with the world”. Its worked like a charm so far for me.

Siblings: One

Time I Wake Up: I wake up when most people are in traffic jams trying to reach work.

Unusual Talent or Skill: Well…..hmmm…..welll……most are unpublishable!!

Vegetable I Love: I love most veggies. Infact, I love the ones that most people hate like spinach, bittergroud, fenugreek etc. Anything green and leafy, except my neighbour’s kid trying to be Tarzan by tying leaves on his bottom, is good.

Worst Habit: Compulsive Shopper, Addicted to love, Food-o-maniac

X-Rays: Just to see what I look like in the inside, I took one a few days back .

Yummy Food I Make: Has to be Biryani. Best in town, I am sure.

Zodiac Sign: Aquarius

People tagged to do it : Paapa…….here goes. BFT ( Hhahhahhaha), Greyshades and That Girl in Pink.

My two bit on the controversy

2006-06-21T06:59:00.000-07:00

Apologies for the delay of this post. It so happened that aliens abducted me last week and took me back to their planet. I was subjected to various tests and experiments. They wanted to study the pink brain of the blogger chick. That explains my absence and the disappearing comments from my blog. Now I am back to life as usual.....

This post was long overdue.

I agree that I have finished all the studying that there is to do. Heck, I am well on my way to retire at 30. But that doesn’t mean that I am oblivious to the detoriating state of affairs of my country. Like it is not enough that we have to put up with corrupt politicians, religious politicking, mass delusions in the name of development that translate into bad roads and potholes that resemble the pot-bellies of our ‘caretakers’, we also have the reservation in education system to worry about.

Everyone who has a little bit of brain will see through this ‘vote – raking’ policy of the congress govt. Arjun Singh (who the hell is he anyway?) suddenly decides that he is not dead and feels the need to make his presence felt by introducing a bill that is so backward that it really needs a time machine to make itself logical.

Ok let me ask this, can any of you tell me how many people in your office are from OBC and SC/ST category? I bet none of you can say for sure!! If the workplace does not categorize people on basis of their birth, then why do it while you are studying.

Imagine this, an economically disadvantaged Brahmin who struggles to get through college and aims hard for that coveted IIM seat, will now just be left behind. On the other hand, a SC from upper class will have no problem getting in even though he squandered his life in college canteen. Talk about reverse discrimination.

I am so glad that atleast our supreme body of justice has some brain and balls to ask the right questions to these law makers.

“What is the rationale defining the underprivileged solely on the basis of caste?” (I could be underprivileged, I don’t have the privilege of not getting out of bed all day. I still have to work)
“How will allocating quotas to them in institutes of higher learning remedy their disadvantage?” ( exactly my point. Let them have basic education first. Level the playground first and then compete)
“How will the govt implement these quotas without destroying the revered institutes?” (There is no answer to this. It is a rhetoric question. Obviously, the institutes will be destroyed. Imagine the standard of education where the intake is not merit but caste!! What next? Jobs on the basis of your caste and bonus on the basis of your sub-caste?)

But sadly, it has become only a mouthpiece. The constitution is already amended and it will be implemented. Weather we like it or not!!

I have nothing against the obc/ sc/ st. If anything, I feel bad because they are inherently born with a disadvantage. Although there are many exceptions, like the wealthy landowners and miners, most of the below-poverty-line are not left with much of an option. No govt has ever honestly tried to help them. A good primary education along with meeting basic needs would put them in the competition for seats in higher institutes. All the govt has done now is cruelly thrown them into the most fiercely competitive institutions in the world. They may get in but they can never learn.

That effectively is the end of all the booming and nascent industries like ITES, tourism, KPO, research etc. How can the govt even expect the companies to hire from these institutes? Our cost advantage of cheaper workforce goes right out of the window and in the arms of China or Philippines. It is the beginning for a large scale brain drain to other universities abroad, for merit students would really have no choice.

This reverse discrimination will take us no where. Sonia, please note!!

“I have seen you somewhere”

2006-06-14T06:09:00.000-07:00

“I have seen you somewhere”

How many times have people told you this? Well, in the last 48 hours I was told this by 8 people….8 different people…..people I hadn’t seen in my life before. Yet they claim that they have seen me before. Now what’s with that???? I swear if I hear that one more time today, I am gonna punch his face. Then lets see if his friends say this to him…“I have seen you somewhere”

I can understand if my face appears on page 3 of Bangalore Times every other day under the title “ Bangalore parties hard” ( which is the same title everyday). I can even more understand if I had a twin sister who was a porn star ( a la Phoebe & Ursala). I can try to understand if I was an underwear model and my butt was plastered on the hoardings in every corner of the city…(damn the cellulite, else I had a pretty good chance)………but NO!! I am not. So why do people keep saying that??

I was in another city last week, meeting a bunch of nerds who I hadn’t even heard about until a day before. This creepy guy from under his soda glasses looks at me, or at my cleavage I couldn’t say, and says “I have seen you somewhere”. Now how the hell is that possible?? I rule out all possibilities about a past life association, ex coleege/ school/ city/ parents…nothing!!

I ran into an out of job DJ at barista. Same thing!!! I swear I hadn’t seen his face before. Then there was an old granny at the mall where I was buying intimate stuff. It was my first time at the store and I was blissfully seeing the fur trimming on the bikinis and this granny pops up. I am amazed/ angry/ embarrassed at the same time. What was a 80 year old doing in a lingerie shop anyway???

I rewind back to school and college and realise that this was quite a problem back then too. I was frequently compared to non-flattering actresses like Madhuri Dixit and Hema Malini. When I was in college, it was Raveena or Mahima. Ok guys if you have to compare, atleast pick the successful ones.

Later that evening I sat with my friends to see what they thought. 6 out of the 7 people admitted that they felt they had seen me before I became friends with them. How weird is that!!

I have concluded that it can be only two of these things
1- I just go around a lot & my face is very unforgettable. I have unique features and once someones sees me it is difficult to forget!! ( hahaha)
2- I have a very common face. It’s like clay. You mould it into whatever you want to see. Be it an actress or your dead grandmother.

Oh God!! Watever happened to individuality and uniqueness??

All said and done, I take comfort in the fact that atleast I am pretty and get compared to pretty people. Whenever someone says they have seen me before, it is probabily because they were staring/ leaching me at some point in their lives & I was too cute to be forgetten.

See, now that makes sense!!!

I can go on & on about a self appriciation trip, but I guess thats enough for today.

I will post a pic of me very soon. Lets see how many of you have really seen me before......

On second thought, I will pass. There is no excitement without the mystery....

Dont you agree..

Bed Hopping Culture

2006-06-13T10:46:00.000-07:00

I know I haven’t been writing regularly. While many people are happy about it, there are some who write to me and demand an explanation. Well, I am just trying to think of a written word equivalent of the elbow clap that Ross does in ‘Friends’ to all of them.

Talking about friends, a very close friend of mine just had a very bad accident of heart break. I didn’t intend to write about it since I am all for ‘respect of privacy and feelings’ and all that crap, but its just been bugging me so much that I don’t know what else to do.

Well, it so happened that this girl like all our movie actresses (on –screen and off-screen) fell hopelessly in love with this guy. It started as an infatuation at work but developed into something more over a period of 3 months. Here is a chronological list of events as they happened:

--Girl joins a new company, guy is a colleague, and they meet.
--Girl, single and cute. Guy, smart and flirt. Star crossed lovers in the making…
--Over endless coffees in the canteen, guy confesses he has feelings for her.
--Girl eventually falls for him and instantly he is all she can see, hear and feel ( uh!)
--Guy decides to take things to the next level, which is essentially his bed, which is 2 levels above ground. Girl, coy but sex deprived at 25 decides ‘what the hell, I love him’ and goes ahead.
--Neighbors of the Guy complain to the cops about the constant ‘knocking’ on the walls.
--This goes on for about a couple of months and then the guy does a volt-face. ‘Hey what’s wrong with me dancing crotch-joined with that babe at the pub?’ and so begins the sob story…..
---To cut the long story short and spare my readers the agony, the couple split.

Now, what bothers me is that this is so typical. I could easily replace the faces and it could be the story of any of my friends. Whatever happened to romance, love and all the mush? In this age of fast life, fast love and faster sex, the concept of cuddles and hugs is completely lost. People are bed hopping before you can even finish reading this post.

Well its great for some people who get all the sex and fun and are not tied down by emotions, commitments and other such taboos. Its great while it lasts. But what happens when you really fall in love with the person with whom you had mind-blowing sex last night and who you know, is taking another chick to the pub tonite.

How does one stay detached while enjoying oneself? Is love the spoil-sport or soul-curry? Sex is pleasure , love ( commitment and stuff) is just a pain in the ass.

Is it??

Well my friend is crying on my shoulders right now….and I really don’t know what to say to her ….

Help! I am an addict

2006-06-03T04:38:00.000-07:00

Yes I finally admit it...on public platform.....I am addicted

I tried quitting so many times, without any succcess.
When it is there right before my eyes, I just cant stop the urge. It just takes over me. I am not the same person in control anymore. I have seeked advise from my friends and collegues. I have made promises...made to be broken the same week.

God! why does it have to be so hard........

My friends hate me....i am sure. This is just killing me....one day at a time.

I went online today to seek therapy. But guess what, there is just more stuff in there to lure you. I feel guilty, ashamed and secluded so many times. I wonder how can people stay away from these things? Arent they human just like me?

I am trying to control, you know. Take my life back. Baby steps....1-2-1-2-1-2.....

I have made up my mind.
No more ..... today is the day!!!

Last day of my indulgence!!

Just one more time and I am done. One last pleasure trip.....heck I deserve it!!!

I run to my cupboard and bring all my cloths down.......damn where did I hide it??? It ruins your memory too sometimes.

Hey, I found it!! I kiss it frantically!!

My Credit Card, the one love of my life!!!

Shopper's Stop sale - 50 % off. I swear this one is the last.

Things to do before I die

2006-05-22T22:20:00.000-07:00

Hug all the people who mattered to me at some point or the other in my life and just say ‘Thank You’.
Become a millionaire
Go into Space and see our planet…try to spot my house.
White water rafting on Ganges ( already did parasailing and bungee…hehe)
Climb on top of the Eiffel Tower at sunset & kiss someone.
Ride a bike in the by-lanes of Paris
Spend a night in the middle of a jungle with campfire.
Learn to play the guitar
Learn to dance a la “Dirty Dancing”
Live in New York for a while
Make my own ice-cream and share it with someone close
Meet the Dalai Lama
Take a cruise to Australia……alone
Understand Men
Better my photography skills, buy a Digi-SLR worth couple of lakhs
Learn Yoga
Walk home from work….in rain.
Visit a chocolate factory in Switzerland
Drive a Porsche 911 / Lamborghini / Ferrari
Own a VW Beatle 2006
Learn to ride a geared bike preferably a Bullet and then take a trip to Leh
Get a full body massage & other blissful treatments at Ananda Spa in the Himalayas
Forgive my Parents
Adopt a girl child
Retire in Goa..................

Dandruff on the Male Brain

2006-05-16T02:00:00.000-07:00

Ok, I confess. I don’t really intend to write posts about men. It’s just that they make such fascinating subjects. In all their quirkiness, they are a completely different species that I feel obliged to study. It’s really funny to see men groping to understand the nuances of earth life, much like the early man. For example, men have this uncanny ability to wear anything smelly, as long as it looks clean. They will go 100 kms in the wrong direction rather than ask the nearby autodriver for directions. Phone conversations last only 20 seconds or less. The same hairstyle lasts for years, or maybe decades. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, they just might become lifelong friends. They do not know the names of more than five colors………you get the drift!!

But the quirkiest thing of all times is the constant, uncontrollable need to scratch & feel up their own crotches. Really, what’s up with that?? Why is there an obsessive, compulsive need to reassure themselves of the existence of “mini me”?
I am not just talking about the (non)worker class consisting of carpenters, construction workers and parking attendants. The so-called metrosexual, ubersexual alpha-male of this era constantly scratches his crotch in full public view.

Now don’t get wrong, I am all for loving men and all that crap. In fact, I have more than my share of men to love. But the point is why? And more so, Why in Public? You don’t see women go about grabbing & fondling their boobs in public now, do you?

I shared these thoughts with a fellow mate & as it is with men, he disagreed. In fact he was outraged and said that only primates before the Ice Age (not the movie) did ‘that’ sorta thing. Ok, I graciously asked him to accompany me to Brigade Rd. We flopped our asses on one of the coffee shops and started watching men ( Ha! If only I could do this often).

Well soon enough there was this loud-mouth on phone with a glitzy wife walking 2 steps behind. He scratched, scratched & scratched. Three times in full public view and much to my mate’s embarrassment. In his defense, he went on a whole tirade about the subject being a northie and that’s a different breed altogether. To make my point stronger, we walked down brigades and as luck would have it., we found atleast 10-12 men across geographical, cultural and age barriers doing the same thing. Some discreet and others just didn’t realize. It was as natural as breathing. And the relief that you see on their faces after the deed, priceless!!!

Subjects included college students, mall rats, journo types, uncles, bhaiyyas and all other assortments. Interestingly I also found that apart from grazing the fingers on the crotchular area, men also tend to shift their equipment a lot. Like ‘Mini Me’ is bored ‘hanging’ out on the left, shift him to the right. First of all, the ‘thingy’ doesn’t have a life of its own although 90% of all the decisions for men are made in the crotch.

So there you go, another piece of mystery in the Man’s world. Please oh please, stop doing it. Stop your fellow men from doing it. If you have ring worms use ‘Ring Guard’…If you just have to, go to the ‘ Nirmala Sauchlaya’…...do anything to stop your hands from going down there in public. It’s just not a turn-on, its not even a turn, for god’s sake.

“Hi, I am Jack’s crotch. Without me Jack’s brain would just fall out…..”

P.S: All the male readers of this blog who got remotely offended by this post, observe your hand movements for a whole day. If they are not where they should be, well then….leave me your address, I would definitely like to study your species!!

How Opal Mehta got screwed

2006-05-09T01:27:00.000-07:00

Book Review
‘How Opal Mehta got kissed, got wild & got a life’

Its always a good feeling when you flip the last page of a book and declare it ‘officially done’. I was more than happy when I finished this book. I was glad, I was euphoric. I didn’t have to spend anymore waking & semi-sleep hours following Opal Mehta’s misadventures at being fashionable, genius & a complete moron at the same time.

The story is rather plain. Kavya wants us to believe that OM (Opal Mehta) is a complete nerd who never watches TV, doesn’t know any boy in 10km radius from planet earth & never worn lace panties before. She also wants us to believe that parents (Indian, at that) are willing to get their daughters in uber-minis, slut around the campus and kiss the first available guy!!! Duh….get real, miss!!

To be fair, the book had its own moments which lit up my dark brain like the time when everyone finds out Opal is a faker/ poser & how ingeniously HBz send an email to the whole class with proof of Opal’s misadventures. I almost felt for her. Well almost! The acronyms just killed any traces of interest. HOWGAL- How Opal Will get a Life!!!
How about HOWGKITA- How Opal will get kicked in the ass, for being a complete nutcase (& not in a nice way)

Bottomline. Good read if you have absolutely nothing to do & want to relive your miserable & embarrassing moments in college. Makes me thank God, I was so totally cool in my college. Thank God for not turning me into Opal, or Kavya (who is on her way to hall of shame), or the ‘Haute Bitches”.

Tips when you decide to publish a novel:
Don’t steal stuff from other equally bad writers; they will just hog your controversy limelight.
Don’t name your lead Opal Mehta and then try & make the readers believe she is from ‘Madras’
Don’t get into Harvard and pose for pics with a stupid, caught in the act grin when you get your ass sued.
Don’t get all biographical, people will think it was you who danced on the tabletop with guys around you and didn’t even get kissed till you graduated.

DISCLAIMER: This book was a gift from a friend who suddenly has new found respect for Chick-Lit. She gave me the book before the controversy of plagiarism started. I spent 6 hours with the book, reading it between making instant noodles and walking my dog. And Yes! I do read girlie melodramas sometimes, well you know, just for the heck of it!

News of the day - PS3

2006-05-08T05:27:00.000-07:00

LOS ANGELES--Sony Computer Entertainment announced PlayStation 3 pricing and specific availability information and showed off the final version of the console's controller at a glitzy press conference held at Sony Pictures Studios here Monday.

The PS3 will come in two configurations: one version with a 60GB hard drive that will cost $599, and a second with a 20GB hard drive that will come in at $499, SCE President Kaz Hirai said.

Those prices are significantly higher than Microsoft's Xbox 360, which has two versions, one with a built-in hard drive that costs $399 and another with no hard drive that retails for $299.
The PS3 is certainly a big technological leap over its best-selling PlayStation 2, which Sony said Monday had recently topped 103 million units sold.

The PS3, which is based on the Cell processor, will play CDs, DVDs and include a Blu-ray drive. It also includes built-in Bluetooth and Wi-Fi connectivity, as well as ethernet compatibility. Further, it includes Dolby digital surround sound functionality and supports high-definition video up to 1080p.

The console also can run up to seven wireless controllers at once, and all PS3s will come with a built-in hard drive, either 60GB or 20GB.

Finally, it supports USB, Sony memory sticks, secure digital (SD) and CompactFlash.
In addition to announcing pricing, Sony also said the PS3 would hit store shelves in North America on Nov. 17, six days after its Japanese launch on Nov. 11. Meanwhile, Sony also unveiled for the first time the PS3's controller. Visually, the controller looks much like that of the PS2, though it is silver rather than black.

question of the week

2006-05-07T02:46:00.000-07:00

Yup!!! another week...another question

Q: DEFINE PLEASURE!!

Rules of Participation:
1.Spare the kinky details
2.Could be ANY kind of pleasure, not just sexual ;)
3. Winners get a autographed T-shirt with this question from Nike(or adidas or watever)
4.Reading this post??...Have to answer this question, else we will hunt you down and leave nasty comments on your blog.

The Eight Lucky Men in a Woman's Life

2006-05-03T05:27:00.001-07:00

1. The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all your clothes ."

2. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wider."

3. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?"

4. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?"

5. The Interior Designer - who assures her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!"

6. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!"

7. The Adventure Guide - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!"

8. TheXYZ Blogger - who says "I did yours, now do mine"

Best of Nasty jokes

2006-05-03T05:27:00.000-07:00

Q. What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?
A. A lesbian with a hard-on.

Q. What's the definition of trust?
A. Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob

Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed

Q. Why can't women read maps?
A. Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.

Q. What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use some lubricant.

Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes

Q. What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A. Men always miss them.

Q. What is the difference between "Oooh!" and "Aaah!"?
A. About three inches.

Q. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear

Rain In Berryland

2006-05-02T05:42:00.000-07:00

The rains are back....They always bring out the memories from the deepest corners of my heart. So looking back at my life.....this one is for the rains....

"Objects in the rear view mirror"

-----Picking up the fallen mangoes after heavy rains near home. Grandma screaming after us since she was very scared of lightening. But making 'Gudamba' with the same later.

-----Having the best raincoat in school, looking for opportunity to show it off, even when it was only a drizzle. A bright yellow sunflower one and a fully transparent one with matching 'gum boots' ( That was the height of coolness back then)

-----Watching the rain- fall on the car glass on my way to ooty. If there is heaven, thats how it was how it would have looked like.

-----First crush. Meeting under a tin roof, bunking school for the first time. 'Rim-Jhim' from 1942-A love story playing somewhere in the distance.

-----First year of college. Walking in rain to college, soaking wet. Knowing all eyes everywhere were on me. And why not? I had an ice cream cone in my hand!!

-----Playing on the beach in Goa in rains. Making sand castles on the beach, see them get washed away.

-----First love. A group of friends in his car. I was introduced just a few days back to him. I was sitting in the back seat. Rain pouring outside. A long amazing drive followed. Just before leaving he turned the rear view mirror to see me & our eyes met. I knew it just then...

-----Rain-Tea anyone? Always 2 cup chai, kept on the roof of the car. A few drops of rain later, sipped slowly.

-----Picnic in the woods with the boys. Wet white shirt - Sexy. Leeches sticking to your feet- Painful.

----First Pain. Said he was leaving for a few years. Said he'd be in touch. Said he was in love with me. I cried...so did the rains.....

----Every rain after that brought back his memories. Was happy & sad at the same time. Spent hours on phone. Rain played in the background.

----He promised we'd be together again. He kept his word. The first shower he brought along with him just made me smile. He pulled out 2 jackets from back of his car. We put it on and took a long walk by the river, in the rain. It was like we were never apart.

----The goodbye!!

----My first trip alone to Bangalore. Didnt sleep a wink in the bus. It rained all night & I was counting the drops.

----Walking back to my room from work. Always tired but proud of myself. Rain slowly keeping me company.

----Brigade road in the rains. Nothing compares to the feeling of sitting there with a cup of coffee and watching the rains soak Bangalore up.

----My first ride on my bike on Airport Rd. Soaking wet without a care in the world. On my way to Corner House to eat Ice-Cream. There is something about Rains & Ice creams thats just so heavenly.

----Watching rains drop down from '13th floor' in Barton center, covering Vidhana Souda in a haze.

The Pink Berry

Yeh dil mange no more!!!

2006-04-30T23:37:00.000-07:00

I have been drinking aerated fizzy drinks since the age of 5. I eagerly waited for Coke’s return to India after it was kicked out by some ‘lassi’ drinking neta. Every summer my fridge is stocked up with 2-3 bottles of sugary calorie enriched magic portion. On an average I drink about half a litre of cola everyday……

Ok before you start to think Coke paid me good monies to advertise their product on my blog, nope they didn’t!!!

The reason why I am writing this is this news that I came across a few days back. Initially I had dismissed it as a new tactic used in the cola wars but when I saw the victims were both the brands I conceded.

I haven’t had a drop of it since then.

Pepsi fined over condom in bottle
Soft drinks manufacturer Pepsi has been ordered to pay 20,000 rupees ($445)
in damages to a man from Delhi who found a condom in a sealed bottle.

Get more dope on this on http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/4947718.stm

Coke to consider compensation New Delhi, April 29: Soft drink major Hindustan Coca-Cola Beverages Ltd today said
it would consider the ground taken by a consumer forum in asking the company to pay Rs. 1.2 lakh
as compensation after dead insects were found in an unopened bottle of Sprite, and "file a statutory appeal accordingly".

For full story go to http://www.expressindia.com/fullstory.php?newsid=66861

The overworking PR executives of both the brands have worked hard to cover up the story as much as possible. So I decided to delve into the past to find out more……

Warning!!!! If you just had your lunch, come back to the blog later.

A used band - aid inside an unopened bottle.

A frog!!!! Death by pesticides......PETA helppp!!!

What Next for Generation Next???

Branded Condoms like another American Giant would be a good idea..????

"We love to see you smile???????" Whatever Ronald!!!

A smile after a 'job' well done, but dont really need a condom for that! Do you? unless u like the flavour of rubber in your mouth after that.

I am shifting loyalties to Beer. Atleast the alcohol in it will disinfect anything that manages to get inside.

Question of the week

2006-04-30T04:05:00.000-07:00

What do you prefer........hanging out on brigade rd like the good ol' days or spending an evening at the swanky malls?

Responde sil vous plait

The Agony Chick

2006-04-28T03:40:00.000-07:00

So here I am going about my unusual life in my own usual way when Sam who works with me makes this really winky –shaky gestures. I know he is a nice guy and all but I really begin to doubt his sanity. After exactly 5 seconds I realized that his gestures were not obscene or suggestive. He wanted me to come over to the water filter so that he can discuss something obviously important to him & more obviously a shady secret.

I try to fiddle with my pencil & do the now perfected WHY ME? gesture. That really didn’t seem to bother Sam as he hustled his way towards me.

Over the years, I have somewhat earned the reputation of being an agony aunt (I hate that phrase) without really making the effort. I half-heartedly, half-ear-ly listen to people who go on & on about why Mr 666 didn’t buy me a drink in pub last night or why my Mother in law is the reincarnation of the devil in red saree….. arrrggghhh…. I wish I had magical powers to cure everyone’s problems, just so that they don’t bother me with them. I never discuss my problems with every available ear in listening distance. What will they advise me about anyway that I already don’t know about? Not that I am a genius or anything, but I think that personal problems or lack of personal life should be discussed only with ‘personal’ friends. Office work-mates certainly didn’t qualify as that.

Breaking my reverie was Sam, grinning from ear-to-ear, like a hanger is stuck in his mouth!! I quickly calculated that this was not gonna be a sad story, where I have to hand him my expensive, perfumed, lacy white hanky for him to snort all over it. The story was thus: Sam went out with his buddies last night to the swanky nightclub on Airport Rd. No chicks included. The boyz weren’t allowed inside since that was a “couple’s only” night. (Why cant every night be a Couples only night? That will keep the losers-who-cant-hook- the-chicks away. But on the other hand all the guys in the club will be tagged with girls, leaving no room for eyelash fluttering encounters). Anyway so Sam saw this chick who works with our ad agency. A fresher who is quite well endowed, I admit. He scored big time when this chick agreed to accompany him inside along with her friend who accompanied his friend. She told him she was waiting for her ‘Gang’ to arrive & somehow landed up early since she came directly from work. Sam told me this & other useless details like the color of her dress, her purple stilettos and heck even the perfume she was wearing. Thankfully he didn’t reveal the color of her G-string or thong or what ever it was she was wearing or maybe wasn’t.

Now Sam isn’t really your next door Adonis, infact he is more like a Johnny Bravo wannabe. For some strange reason, the chick decided to hit the dance floor with him. Did I mention Sam is a wannabe Johnny Bravo, but only on a diet of burgers & beer, so forget the abs. All was going ‘fine’ apparently, when Sammy dearest stepped on her expensive Jimmy Choos (or a Metro look-alike pair). She withered in pain and cursed Sam in not so flattering expletives & stormed away from the floor to join her friends. So why was he really grinning, I ask myself.

Apparently, this girl dropped her purse while withering in pain & looking for her cellphone (to call her Mohd Ali type friends, I thought). He helped her put all the things back in together when he saw that little piece of blue square pack. Yup righty dooo!! It was a condom. I could imagine Sam’s mind wildly running amok and drool dropping from his lips. I was genuinely surprised that the chick ( who I kinda knew) was carrying a condom. She didn’t look like she wanted to get laid by a guy, any guy she might meet at a club. But then again what do I know. Times are changing so fast (Bob Dylan – Times are changing, playing in my mind).

Apparently, the look on my face was exactly what Sam had expected. He said “Did you know she was a total slut? Wanting to get laid like that? I wouldn’t mind it for a fling though. Maybe you could talk to her.” WHATT when did I become a party to this? And talk to her about what??? For all I know the condom might not even have fallen from her purse. Maybe it was lying on the floor, slipped from some amorous couple who wanted to get kinky in the loo, or whatever!! I just couldn’t picture her carrying a condom & looking desperate. Or maybe it was a good thing. Cosmo will tell you over & over again how safe it is to carry your own rubber, incase you decide to get adventurous and the guy simply didn’t have one. It would be a complete drab if you had to go looking for it, putting other important things on “hold”.

Ok Ok back to problem at hand. I tell Sam what I thought. He shot a I-cant-believe-you-girls look. After a heap of pie charts, graphs & other documented evidence, I proved it to him that girls just don’t go around carrying condoms like that. If a girl wanted to get laid, she would probably prefer her place or would settle for your apartment or car if she really liked your eyes. But that’s it!!! No smelly loos of the pubs, no backyard & definitely no ‘friend’s place’. And as for condoms, the guy better have one when needed or forget about the need. Sam didn’t look happy, but he was atleast convinced a little.

So what’s the next step? He cooed. I said “ Call her and ask her out. Last time wasn’t even a real date. You were just the ‘masala papad’ before the dinner arrived. Call her and ask her out like a man. In case she agrees, don’t go anywhere near the dance floor, don’t step on her toes and don’t go through the contents of her purse. And for-god’s- sake carry your own rubber like a man. Just in case you get lucky!!!”

My Favourite Things - Movie Poster Collection6

2006-04-26T07:13:00.000-07:00

My Favourite Things - Movie Poster Collection5

2006-04-26T07:12:00.000-07:00

My Favourite Things - Movie Poster Collection5

2006-04-26T07:08:00.000-07:00

My Favourite Things - Movie Poster Collection4

2006-04-26T07:07:00.000-07:00

My Favourite Things - Movie Poster Collection3

2006-04-26T07:06:00.000-07:00

My Favourite Things - Movie Poster Collection2

2006-04-26T07:04:00.000-07:00

My Favourite Things - Movie Poster Collection

2006-04-26T07:00:00.000-07:00

The Invasion of the Sixers

2006-04-26T04:05:00.000-07:00

Bangalore is a city that has a constantly changing landscape. New faces from all over the world come into this beautiful town & add their own color to it. Some characters are annoying, others are plain entertaining. It is always a pleasure to sit with a mug of coffee on brigade road & watch all these characters.

While it is all nice, dewy & politically correct, I can’t stand certain folks from a section of society who are slowing making their presence felt in various parts of the city. It’s the eunuchs, better known as ‘chakkas’ (sixers) for some strange reason.

I was passing by the MG road signal & suddenly I hear the knock on my car’s window. I turned around & I had the most horrified look on my face. It wasn’t fear, it was pure disgust. There was a man, wearing a sari & garish make-up complete with fake gold jewellery. His navel was exposed, slowing his hairy dark belly. I don’t know why I lowered the glass window!!! Maybe I just couldn’t stand him staring in my face on a busy traffic junction. Big Mistake…I realize. He was now actually touching me…my shoulders and asking for money. I gave him the sternest look I could in that moment & luckily the signal turned green.

I had almost forgotten about this incident, till a few days back I saw a documentary on Discovery channel that showed the secret life of these people. Apparently, not all eunuchs are born that way. Some men from perfectly normal families having perfectly normal body parts get into this ‘profession’ by choice. Some have poverty to blame, some sexual orientation & others just have nothing better to do with their lives.

It all begins with a master eunuch who is the caretaker of a particular clan of trainees. Much like the madam of the brothel house. She is the sole deciding authority on the acceptability of a particular ‘candidate’ into the clan. The applicants come from far & wide. First they have to prove their worth, which is usually by sleeping with the patrons of the clan. The candidate is observed for a week or so & then the ‘main ceremony’ takes place.

The main ceremony is conducted with all the hallmarks of a religious ceremony with photos of deities, pooja & all the shebang. The penis of the candidate is brutally cut & offered to the gods ( usually the Kali Devi). S-he is then dressed in all finery & treated like a bride. After the healing process, s-he is inducted into begging.

Begging is essentially scaring the male population with obscene claps & threats of curses, which are believed to come true & suggestive touching. It surely freaks even the most well endowed men making them squirm with disgust. As for women, they are just not as concerned as men simply because eunuchs are known to harass only men; they consider females as one of them ….aarrrggghhh!!!!

I have nothing against people who are born different from others. I have nothing against gays , lesbians, bisexuals or any other orientation. What bothers me is what they call begging is just a form of harassment, daylight theft to be precise. Scare the poor men into giving them money. Why cant they find a profession where they are not a nuisance in traffic spots and they don’t have to wear stupid goo on their faces. I sometimes pity them because most these people are forced into prostitution, hired by guys who are on a different trip altogether. They are beaten up, harassed physically & sexually and made to live a life they rather not be born into.

Bottomline is, if you are a victim of circumstances, don’t download your shit on the rest of the world. Find something better to do in life. Become a mayor or something………

Meanwhile, leave Bangaloreans alone. We can definitely do without another traffic block on our way to work!!!!!!!!

Karma Krisis

2006-04-24T04:55:00.000-07:00

I am a workaholic........

There I go. ...........................I admit it..............................

I was blissfully unaware of this whole phenomenon until suddenly I realised that I work 12 hours a day, work on saturdays & even have dreams about my work projects & deadlines. It suddenly seems like some kind of a disease that I have had all along but the 'bad news' was given to me now.

& what i better day to talk about it than a monday morning......

Weekend was fun, I got dressed in my best sillettoes, got drunnkk & went to the best places in town. The hangover this morning when I opened my eyes, brought me back to the reality that I have to get out of this bed & go to work, when all i wanted to do was laze around and have Hot chocolate in my bed....

For a whole half hour, I was thinking about questions that I normally ask myself on a monday morning....."WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?" "DO I REALLY HAVE TO WORK ?" " DO I REALLY LIKE WHAT I AM DOING?" "WHEN AM I GONNA BE RICH ENOUGH TO JUST LIE IN BED WITHOUT KNOWING WHICH DAY OR MONTH IT IS( without being drunk of course)......

But now here I am in my office, tackling the symptoms of a workaholic. I have skipped my breakfast again, like I have for the last 5 years. I have a bad elbow pain from straining my hands on the laptop. I am eating a chocolate bar to curb the growling in my stomach. I am definately losing the sharp & focused vision I once had.

What is it that makes it all worth it??????

I donno. I am searching for enlightenment ...Maybe the fat paycheck at the end of the month, maybe it is the friends at work, maybe it is the high of being in control, maybe it is about being productive & contributing, maybe having something to do in life besides having having fun

Yeah Right!!!

I donno what it is , but till the day I get an answer I will continue to be the addict that I am. And the day I find enlightenment......I will be off to Paris with a 10 figure balance in my account & my arm candy & live happily for ever

Work

2006-04-20T06:07:00.000-07:00

Another day at work!!
What is it that I do exactly?? I am a slave of the glamour world!!

Where everything is airbrushed & dreamy...where the thin red line between reality & stardom is blurred...where i work 12 hours a day, get paid more than I need....where the cookie jar is always stocked up.......pure bliss

But today certainly wasnt that. Work & bad hair days definately get to you.

Donno why but the song " Leaving on a jet plane' is playing in my head. Does that mean I need a break really bad & need to head to Goa on the first flight available? ( I really have to stop wearing bikini bras to work, under my silk shirts ofcourse) or it means its time to move on in life......

I wil go home now & take a nice long shower, dim the lights & listen to " Baby I love your way'...

Then tomorow i can take on another day

Not for everyone

2006-04-20T03:17:00.000-07:00

This blog is meant to be a daily record of my life. Some personal emotions, some naughty thoughts & other daily hum of life recorded for my personal use & abuse. I am too lazy to write a dairy so this way I will pass my time when I am sleepy after a nice lunch in my office.

For anyone reading this....pls dont judge coz this is not written for your entertainment!!!